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“Someone has too much time on their hands Trevor”
“That they do, Nige”

And whilst this is probably already enough to satisfy the hungriest of hippos, we also have footage of new signing dinking the dinkiest of dinks over the oncoming goalkeeper, courtesy of camera whizz/dogsitter/Boyley-waker-upper Linh Phan. But first, an extract from Rich Blain’s harrowing ordeal.

*Ya man woke up late but yet, energized for the adventure ahead. I knew without ma boy Kevin it would be a monumental struggle but I had supplies and at least 17% charge in my phone battery. More than enough for the Grab over and a quick Tinder session. Such confidence was misplaced as the Grab dropped me in thick, dense Thu Duc forest. I was lost. My immediate thoughts turned to Kevin, safe, sound and snuggling on our sofa. I missed that sofa now, almost as much as his dimples. I reflected upon what Kevin had taught me months ago, when we were in a similar position but alas, this wasn’t a time for Brokeback Mountain. I was alone. I prayed to the heavens and reached for my phone, ‘too many swipes right, goddamn it!’ 3% left. Maybe, just maybe…*

“Sounds horrific Trevor”
“Ya man was raaagin, Nigel”

With various members of the Saints cast and crew still on holiday, and Craney and Rich AWOL, Captain-cum-coach for the day, Q, totaled the sum of his parts to find about 8 strikers, 2 midfielders and Graham. Tough gig, he mused, whilst VC Teaguey enjoyed some long overdue bitty on Costa Del Nang.

Alas, Q was to fear no more as Craney stepped forth in the nick of time, meandering through the mist like a punch-drunk silverback to reassure everyone that yes, YES, we would have at least one recognized Centre-Back, even if his pickled brain was still on Mac Thi Buoi. The ever-flexible Conor O’Reilly stepped in alongside the COI. “I am used to being a utility player,” he exhaled, as we sensed an annoyance towards his fellow Sinners. Graham and Varley completed the back four as Q put personal problems aside to recall current bad boy Aidan McNally alongside Jack McCaughan in an energetic engine room with Troy and Pirros on the wings. The new strike pairing of ‘Bobby, Dazzler’ (*Editor – clever*), Bobby Burke and Daryl Hayden, got their first chance to work in tandem.

The match began brightly for the Saints, with Jack Mac and Aidan proving a busy pair, coping with an extra Hot Shot in the middle with relative ease. The trio of Bobby, Daryl and Sweeney fashioned themselves chances, whilst at the other end Hot Shots seem to rely upon long punts from their keeper towards their talisman Max, only for him to be met with VVC/GK Boyle, rising to the odd occasion with confident handling. A bit more match sharpness and the Saints would have been comfortably ahead at half time…